Pregnancy Clichés

Yesterday I got a wild hair. I decided it was high time that I deep clean our refrigerator, you know, since we’ve lived here over three years and I have NEVER done it.

I know. I’m disgusted with myself too.

As I was filling two trash bags full with stuff that may or may not have expired in 2012, I noticed that our fridge contained not one, not two, but four jars of pickles. FOUR.

Clearly a pregnant woman lived in our house recently.

So cliché, but so true. Actually, in my opinion, pregnancy is just a bundle of rumors that you desperately pray are myths… and they all turn out to be valid. It’s the best.

For example:

1. “Pregnant women crave pickles and ice cream.”

That’s half true. I craved pretty much everything – as evidenced by the leftover tomato juice and pineapple juice I also found in my fridge. I distinctly remember sitting at the stoplight when I was pregnant, thinking I was going to die if I didn’t get home to some pickle rolls in the next 26 seconds.

Also, I ate more than three humans’ lifetime quota of McNuggets.

 

2. “Your feet will get bigger when you’re pregnant.”

True story. Since I wore flip flops for my entire pregnancy, I didn’t really notice this until after Dorothy was here. My 6.5’s somehow turned into 7’s… and now half of my shoes are too small. Fantastic.

 

3. “The worse the heartburn, the more hair your baby will have.”

I never had heartburn in my life until I was late into my pregnancy. Now I get heartburn from a granola bar, and my kid has a ton of hair.

I’d say this statement is accurate.

 

4. “You better sleep now, because once the baby is here you’ll never sleep again!”

I expected this one to mean something different. “Never,” was supposed to be, “until the baby sleeps through the night at 6 weeks old and then you’re golden.”

I used to sleep HARD. Like, thunderstorms had nothing on me. Now if Dorothy breathes the wrong way at the end of the hall, I’m wide awake. When we stay at my parents’ house, all three of us in the same room, I sleep in like 30 minute spurts. My kid is a loud sleeper.

 

5. “You’ll forget about the pain of pregnancy and childbirth.”

You may think that you’ll be the exception to the rule, but you won’t be.

I hated everything about my last two months of pregnancy – from the PUPPs, to the heartburn, to the constant uncomfort. My labor was hours and hours of excruciating back labor, and my delivery did not go as planned. C-section recovery = not a joke.

Until very recently, I had made the executive decision that Dorothy was going to be an only child.

But, Dot isn’t getting any smaller. On more than one occasion I’ve found myself looking fondly back on those early days of parenthood, and the sweet little baby we brought home. She was so snuggly… and now she’s like wrestling an orangutang.

I think I’ve officially forgotten the pain.

New executive decision: Dot will have siblings… someday. Don’t get too excited.

 

What pregnancy clichés were true for you? Or were you a lucky B and actually were the exception to the rules?

Linking up!