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Cotten Tales

Are We Done?

Family· Pregnancy

13 Jan

arewedone

I wanted a large family, until I gave birth.

Scratch that.

I wanted a large family, until the last 4ish weeks of my pregnancy. Then PUPPs, induction, no epidural and an emergency c-section, made me think otherwise. Kidding. Kind of.

I have two sisters, and my husband has one brother, three step-siblings and two half sisters (try to figure that family tree out on a first date). I have dozens of cousins, and Courtny has eight nieces and nephews so far. We naturally come from large families, therefore we thought that same dynamic would be the perfect scenario for us. We figured we would have our sweet baby girl, pop out a couple more, and have our own little Cotten tribe. Maybe even a basketball team.

Then Dorothy happened. Parenthood, along with it’s stresses and exhaustion, happened. The realization that we could be changing diapers and doing nightly feedings for the next decade if we decide to have a few more, happened.

And suddenly three more children is not looking like our dream world.

How do you know when your family is complete? We love our daughter more than anything in this world – could we possibly find more in our hearts (and find more time in our day, and find more dollars in our bank account) to bring another into this world? My Facebook feed is overwhelmed with pregnancy announcements, and for some reason I get nervous every time a new ultrasound photo is posted.

Is our family of three enough? Are we done?

As Dorothy inches closer to an appropriate age gap in siblings, my husband and I have had many conversations as of late about the future of our family. Our original plan to have a larger brood simply doesn’t fit with the overall vision we now have for our lives. We want to travel, and show Dorothy the world. We want to financially be able to provide for her, and give her opportunities that we may not have had in our own childhoods. And so, even the most thought out of plans must sometimes change. Newsflash: we won’t be the Duggars any time soon.

Our individual opinions on the topic are polarizing. Courtny treads lightly, saying that he wants what I want. One is fine with him. So is two, three or four. He has seen the effects that pregnancy and motherhood have had on me, and acknowledges that I have to bear most of the burden in our decision.

I, on the other hand, am not so easy going. While I was on the one-and-done train for the first few months postpartum, I now want another at some point down the road. In my mind, it’s not fair to Dorothy to make her be an only child. She needs a friend, a playmate, outside of her father and me. I’m willing to do it all over again, just so she can have a sibling.

But two is enough.

Two is most definitely enough.

And now that I’ve said it in a public forum, we’ll probably have triplets when the time comes.

Disclaimer: Mother, I know you’re reading this. I’m not pregnant. Chill. 😉

—

How do you know when your family is complete? What is an ideal age gap between kids? Is an only child the way to go? And discuss.

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  1. Jamie says

    January 15, 2015 at 10:31 am

    we have two the second born 3 months after the first turned 2. This has been great for us because we’re nearing the end of diapers for #2 and #1 was out of them before #2 showed up. Also now that #2 is older they play wiht eachother and means the “hardest” part where they need you always is done quickly. I think we’re done, two hands to hold in the parking lot is enough.

    Reply
  2. Katelyn Fagan says

    January 18, 2015 at 11:06 am

    I am sorry a rough pregnancy and birth experience have messed with your best laid plans. Making the decision to add another is a big deal, for sure. But, I do agree that having playmates is a huge blessing.

    Reply
  3. Valerie Shea says

    May 5, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    I have this same conversation in my head daily! I have a 7 month old- and on the good days I think, “I could totally do one more. More laughs, more smiles, more fun.” But on the difficult and trying days, I find myself wondering how my single mom of 3 girls was able to take care of us all while working 2 full time jobs and keeping (albeit little) a stitch of sanity.
    If you find the quick and easy answer to this mamma debacle, please forward me the info. Gracias. 🙂
    >PS- love the blog. Just stumbled across it the other day and cannot stop reading. Your family is beautiful.

    Reply
    • Samantha Cotten says

      May 5, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      If I ever figure out the answer to any momma debacle, you can bet I’ll be shouting it from the rooftop! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

      Reply

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Hey there, I'm Samantha. Recovering SAHM, and aspiring competitive dance mom. I have a passion for travel, am known to say it like it is, and I most certainly do not have it all together. Currently on a journey toward self love and discovery. Join me. 2021 | Bloom

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Did we literally have to sew and body tape this gi Did we literally have to sew and body tape this girl into her solo costume at 7 am? You bet. Wouldn’t want to spend my weekends any other way. 💜
Definitely not over the @iddancecomp photos from l Definitely not over the @iddancecomp photos from last weekend. 💜🕺
Just like that, Biddy Ball is over. 😢 We’re S Just like that, Biddy Ball is over. 😢 We’re SO proud of Frances for trying something new, developing as a player each week, and even scoring her first basket in the last minute of her last game! 🏀 We’ll miss our Tuesday and Thursday night games, until next year! #francesbelle
“Play it again, play it again, play it again… “Play it again, play it again, play it again… “ 🎶
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