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Are We Done?

Family· Pregnancy

13 Jan

arewedone

I wanted a large family, until I gave birth.

Scratch that.

I wanted a large family, until the last 4ish weeks of my pregnancy. Then PUPPs, induction, no epidural and an emergency c-section, made me think otherwise. Kidding. Kind of.

I have two sisters, and my husband has one brother, three step-siblings and two half sisters (try to figure that family tree out on a first date). I have dozens of cousins, and Courtny has eight nieces and nephews so far. We naturally come from large families, therefore we thought that same dynamic would be the perfect scenario for us. We figured we would have our sweet baby girl, pop out a couple more, and have our own little Cotten tribe. Maybe even a basketball team.

Then Dorothy happened. Parenthood, along with it’s stresses and exhaustion, happened. The realization that we could be changing diapers and doing nightly feedings for the next decade if we decide to have a few more, happened.

And suddenly three more children is not looking like our dream world.

How do you know when your family is complete? We love our daughter more than anything in this world – could we possibly find more in our hearts (and find more time in our day, and find more dollars in our bank account) to bring another into this world? My Facebook feed is overwhelmed with pregnancy announcements, and for some reason I get nervous every time a new ultrasound photo is posted.

Is our family of three enough? Are we done?

As Dorothy inches closer to an appropriate age gap in siblings, my husband and I have had many conversations as of late about the future of our family. Our original plan to have a larger brood simply doesn’t fit with the overall vision we now have for our lives. We want to travel, and show Dorothy the world. We want to financially be able to provide for her, and give her opportunities that we may not have had in our own childhoods. And so, even the most thought out of plans must sometimes change. Newsflash: we won’t be the Duggars any time soon.

Our individual opinions on the topic are polarizing. Courtny treads lightly, saying that he wants what I want. One is fine with him. So is two, three or four. He has seen the effects that pregnancy and motherhood have had on me, and acknowledges that I have to bear most of the burden in our decision.

I, on the other hand, am not so easy going. While I was on the one-and-done train for the first few months postpartum, I now want another at some point down the road. In my mind, it’s not fair to Dorothy to make her be an only child. She needs a friend, a playmate, outside of her father and me. I’m willing to do it all over again, just so she can have a sibling.

But two is enough.

Two is most definitely enough.

And now that I’ve said it in a public forum, we’ll probably have triplets when the time comes.

Disclaimer: Mother, I know you’re reading this. I’m not pregnant. Chill. πŸ˜‰

—

How do you know when your family is complete? What is an ideal age gap between kids? Is an only child the way to go? And discuss.

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Comments

  1. Jamie says

    January 15, 2015 at 10:31 am

    we have two the second born 3 months after the first turned 2. This has been great for us because we’re nearing the end of diapers for #2 and #1 was out of them before #2 showed up. Also now that #2 is older they play wiht eachother and means the “hardest” part where they need you always is done quickly. I think we’re done, two hands to hold in the parking lot is enough.

    Reply
  2. Katelyn Fagan says

    January 18, 2015 at 11:06 am

    I am sorry a rough pregnancy and birth experience have messed with your best laid plans. Making the decision to add another is a big deal, for sure. But, I do agree that having playmates is a huge blessing.

    Reply
  3. Valerie Shea says

    May 5, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    I have this same conversation in my head daily! I have a 7 month old- and on the good days I think, “I could totally do one more. More laughs, more smiles, more fun.” But on the difficult and trying days, I find myself wondering how my single mom of 3 girls was able to take care of us all while working 2 full time jobs and keeping (albeit little) a stitch of sanity.
    If you find the quick and easy answer to this mamma debacle, please forward me the info. Gracias. πŸ™‚
    >PS- love the blog. Just stumbled across it the other day and cannot stop reading. Your family is beautiful.

    Reply
    • Samantha Cotten says

      May 5, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      If I ever figure out the answer to any momma debacle, you can bet I’ll be shouting it from the rooftop! Thanks for stopping by! πŸ™‚

      Reply

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Hey there, I'm Samantha. Recovering SAHM, and aspiring competitive dance mom. I have a passion for travel, am known to say it like it is, and I most certainly do not have it all together. Currently on a journey toward self love and discovery. Join me. 2021 | Bloom

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Have a magical day! ✨ #waltdisneyworld #magicki Have a magical day! ✨

#waltdisneyworld #magickingdom #springbreak #butdidyoudie
Post-competition hangover is REAL at the Cotten ho Post-competition hangover is REAL at the Cotten house today! πŸ€ͺ I’m still teary-eyed over how grown up our babies looked on stage. πŸ₯Ί So, so proud of them and their @talent_factory_ Company teammates! #dancemom @iddancecomp

The Sanderson Sisters | Dorothy
πŸ† Iconic Platinum, 1st Overall Junior Novice Duo/Trio 
***Special Award: Costume Award

Sweet Scoops | Frances
πŸ† Iconic Platinum, 3rd Overall Mini Novice Small Group 

Cabana Cuties | Dorothy
πŸ† Iconic Platinum, 2nd Overall Junior Novice Small Group, 
***Special Award: Artistic Execution 

The Addams Family | Dorothy
πŸ† Ultra Iconic (highest achievement), 2nd Overall Intermediate Teen Production
ID ICON BUZZER 🚨
***Special Awards: Costume Award, Technique Award, Trendsetter Award
I bought a 2,000 piece puzzle thinking it would be I bought a 2,000 piece puzzle thinking it would be β€œfun.” 8 days later - with HOURS of help from @kadstewa, @saworkman2012, and @andrewni88 - I retire from puzzles forever. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜³πŸ˜œ
The Doc is in! πŸ’œ We took a surprise trip to @ch The Doc is in! πŸ’œ We took a surprise trip to @childrensmuseum last night to preview the new Doc McStuffins exhibit. Frances loved caring for the stuffed animals, and Dot is on her way to becoming a surgeon specializing  in toy dragons. Do you have doctors-in-training at your house? 🩺 The exhibit opens to the public TOMORROW, so don’t miss it! #attcm #childrensmuseum #docmcstuffins
We ate brunch in a traincar diner πŸš‚, explored S We ate brunch in a traincar diner πŸš‚, explored Salem πŸ§™β€β™€οΈ, froze our faces while wandering colonial forts and lighthouses on the Atlantic 🌊, and ended our New England weekend seeing this gorgeous girl finally marry her love in a 1901 stone mansion πŸ‘°πŸ»β€β™€οΈ. Who knew hiring Nikole as my assistant director in 2017 would lead to a friendship like this? πŸ’›
These. Three. πŸ’ƒπŸ•ΊπŸ’ƒ @talent_factory_ #tfadh These. Three. πŸ’ƒπŸ•ΊπŸ’ƒ @talent_factory_ #tfadholidayshowcase21
First holiday performance of the season with @tale First holiday performance of the season with @talent_factory_ Company! πŸ‘―β€β™€οΈ #tfadcompany #dancemom
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