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No Cookies for Santa

Rants

22 Dec

We’re all familiar with my Betty Crocker-ness… or lack thereof. If not, check it here and here. So, it’s probably no surprise to any of you that Santa Claus will not be getting cookies from the Cotten house this year. He’ll be lucky to get anything at this point. Here’s why:

You must have to attend a year-long program taught by Martha freaking Stewart to figure out how to make a simple batch of cookies.

In the last two weeks I have attempted to make four different batches of cookies as practice for jolly St. Nick.

FOUR.

Not a single one turned out.

photo 1(23)

Batch #1: I went all gung-ho and bought cookie cutters, sprinkles, and all the ingredients to make homemade sugar cookies. I thought surely I could handle something as simple as sugar cookies. I mean, I do have a college degree and all.

No.

My dough was somewhere between too dry and too wet (and no, that does not mean it was perfect). For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what to do to it to make it work. So I dumped it in the trash and chalked it up to being a baking failure.

photo 2(22)

Batch #2: I was going to give up at this point, but my cookie-loving Santa gave me a pep talk. I tried the same recipe again, and actually got a lot farther…

…too bad they tasted like reindeer crap.

 

Batch #3: After getting advice from other mommas on Instagram, I went the bake-and-break route. And yes, I actually practiced making chocolate chip bake-and-breaks.

And I burnt them.

photo 3(18)

Batch #4: Feeling confident in the lessons I learned from the first bake-and-break practice, I decided to whip up a few dozen sugar cookies for Christmas with my in-laws last night. I was doing so well – I followed the directions exactly. Like, there should have been no way I could mess these up.

And then the cookies spread out super freaking thin in the oven and were impossible to get off the pan. Also, they tasted terrible. Maybe something is wrong with my oven?

Oh, and then my brother-in-law walks in with made-from-scratch tiramisu cookies that were OMG.to.die.for.  Thanks, Trace.

Wth. Do you know anyone else who can mess up cookies this many times?! I’m headed to Kroger to buy pre-made cookies and ingredients for this “so easy there is no way I can mess this up” fudge recipe. Judge away.

—

What will Santa find at your house this year? Anyone else contemplating leaving Santa a veggie tray with soy milk, a la The Santa Clause?

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  1. Amber Stegner says

    December 22, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    No judgements here. I’ve messed up mac and cheese, and somehow burnt water. I’ve also made dishes that have somehow turned out too dry and too watery at the same time. 🙁

    Reply
  2. Crystal says

    December 23, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    Don’t worry, you’re not the first person to mess up cookies! One reason that your cookies may have spread out really thin….did you spray the pan with cooking spray? Often cookie recipes say to use an “ungreased” cookie sheet. There’s something about the cooking spray that causes the cookies to spread out…(I don’t know all the science behind it). If you are afraid that your cookies will stick to the pan you can always line your pan with parchment paper. When I bake cookies, especially the break and bake kind, I usually bake it for the minimum amount of time instructed. You will probably leave the cookies on the pan for a few minutes after taking them from the oven. The heat from the pan will continue to cook the cookies so it’s usually ok to take them out a minute or so early…you really just have to experiment and know what works for your oven.

    Thanks for linking up our easy fudge recipe! I hope you love it!!! 🙂

    Reply

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Hey there, I'm Samantha. Recovering SAHM, and aspiring competitive dance mom. I have a passion for travel, am known to say it like it is, and I most certainly do not have it all together. Currently on a journey toward self love and discovery. Join me. 2021 | Bloom

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⬇️ 30 lbs. ⬆️ Healthy habits. ⬇️ 4 in. of hair. ⬆️ Strength. ➕ A tattoo & a ton of self love. 

I never knew I could be this person. I’m not super athletic. I have never dieted or counted calories. I never considered myself or my health. I always have watched other women make big physical changes in their lives, but I have never felt like I was capable to do the same.

If you’re reading this, and feel the same way I used to, trust me. 

You can. 💜

(1. January 2020, 2. June 2020 (100 rides), 3. January 2021 (200 rides))

#empoweringwomen #peloton #pelotonweightloss #pelotonbike #loveyourself #fitness #fitnessjourney #cottentales #blogger #momofgirls #momsofinstagram #momblogger #lifestyleblogger #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #selfcare #selflove #selflovejourney #pelotonmom #pelotoncommunity #lovesquad #boocrew #uncomfortable #bloom
NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark Call it cli NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark

Call it cliche, but I have a word to live by this year. If I'm being honest, it actually means a lot to me. I even have some semblance of "resolutions," which are really just mantras I plan to manifest into reality... and so far I think it's working.

What's your word for 2021? What are your goals, mantras, or resolutions for this year? Let me know in the comments. 🌸 Link in bio.

#cottentales #lifestyleblogger #mommyblogger #travelblogger #newyear #2021 #quitlikeawoman #momofgirls #blogger #bloggersofinstagram #momsofinstagram #bloom #bloomwhereyouareplanted #peloton #pelotonbike #resolutions #mantra #healthyhabits #newpost #blogging
L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday R: 01/08/2021, L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday
R: 01/08/2021, or today. 

My husband took that first photo. He was being nice, and trying to celebrate my birthday. I never told him I hated it. I looked heavy, because I was. My skin was terrible - red, broken out, etc. I was anxious, and stressed (ha! The days before 2020!), and it very obviously showed.

Today I’m in the best shape since high school, which blows my mind. I am actively working every day on my skincare, my mental health, and my reactions. Do I mess up? All the time. This week even, I made major mistakes that affect more than just myself. It’s a constant work, but it’s worth doing. 

I see growth. I see a woman who is starting to feel uncomfortable, and that’s a good thing. Whatever goals you have, or path you’re attempting to journey this year, keep going. Don’t let setbacks end your fight. You can do this. 💪🏻

(Also, both daughters saw me make this image this morning. Both thought I was pregnant in the photo on the left. I definitely was not.😳)

#selflove #selfcare #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #peloton #pelotonmoms #cottentales #blogger #lifestyleblogger #travelblogger #momsofinstagram #momofgirls #bloom #keepgoing #pelotonweightloss #loveyourself
Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Las Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Last year, we danced our way to 2020 on the island. Christmas just doesn’t feel the same this year without the ocean. 🌊

#whitesandchristmas #eleuthera #eleutherabahamas #bahamas #christmas #ocean #momofgirls #mommyblog #lifestyleblog #travelblogger #cottentales
Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 #eleuthera #bahamas # Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 

#eleuthera #bahamas #travelblogger #lifestyleblogger #momblogger #cottentales #travel #nye2019
This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 lbs. vs. 129 lbs. This is broken and lost vs. strong and healing. 

I was so proud of myself in that first photo, and I’m still proud of that Samantha. Steps to a better you will slowly become strides. Thanks to her, now I’m taking flight. ❤️ #selflove #selfcare #peloton #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #pelotonweightloss #pelotonmom #momofgirls #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #loveyourself #cottentales
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This is the difference a year makes. ⬇️ 30 l This is the difference a year makes. 

⬇️ 30 lbs. ⬆️ Healthy habits. ⬇️ 4 in. of hair. ⬆️ Strength. ➕ A tattoo & a ton of self love. 

I never knew I could be this person. I’m not super athletic. I have never dieted or counted calories. I never considered myself or my health. I always have watched other women make big physical changes in their lives, but I have never felt like I was capable to do the same.

If you’re reading this, and feel the same way I used to, trust me. 

You can. 💜

(1. January 2020, 2. June 2020 (100 rides), 3. January 2021 (200 rides))

#empoweringwomen #peloton #pelotonweightloss #pelotonbike #loveyourself #fitness #fitnessjourney #cottentales #blogger #momofgirls #momsofinstagram #momblogger #lifestyleblogger #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #selfcare #selflove #selflovejourney #pelotonmom #pelotoncommunity #lovesquad #boocrew #uncomfortable #bloom
NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark Call it cli NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark

Call it cliche, but I have a word to live by this year. If I'm being honest, it actually means a lot to me. I even have some semblance of "resolutions," which are really just mantras I plan to manifest into reality... and so far I think it's working.

What's your word for 2021? What are your goals, mantras, or resolutions for this year? Let me know in the comments. 🌸 Link in bio.

#cottentales #lifestyleblogger #mommyblogger #travelblogger #newyear #2021 #quitlikeawoman #momofgirls #blogger #bloggersofinstagram #momsofinstagram #bloom #bloomwhereyouareplanted #peloton #pelotonbike #resolutions #mantra #healthyhabits #newpost #blogging
L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday R: 01/08/2021, L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday
R: 01/08/2021, or today. 

My husband took that first photo. He was being nice, and trying to celebrate my birthday. I never told him I hated it. I looked heavy, because I was. My skin was terrible - red, broken out, etc. I was anxious, and stressed (ha! The days before 2020!), and it very obviously showed.

Today I’m in the best shape since high school, which blows my mind. I am actively working every day on my skincare, my mental health, and my reactions. Do I mess up? All the time. This week even, I made major mistakes that affect more than just myself. It’s a constant work, but it’s worth doing. 

I see growth. I see a woman who is starting to feel uncomfortable, and that’s a good thing. Whatever goals you have, or path you’re attempting to journey this year, keep going. Don’t let setbacks end your fight. You can do this. 💪🏻

(Also, both daughters saw me make this image this morning. Both thought I was pregnant in the photo on the left. I definitely was not.😳)

#selflove #selfcare #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #peloton #pelotonmoms #cottentales #blogger #lifestyleblogger #travelblogger #momsofinstagram #momofgirls #bloom #keepgoing #pelotonweightloss #loveyourself
Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Las Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Last year, we danced our way to 2020 on the island. Christmas just doesn’t feel the same this year without the ocean. 🌊

#whitesandchristmas #eleuthera #eleutherabahamas #bahamas #christmas #ocean #momofgirls #mommyblog #lifestyleblog #travelblogger #cottentales
Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 #eleuthera #bahamas # Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 

#eleuthera #bahamas #travelblogger #lifestyleblogger #momblogger #cottentales #travel #nye2019
This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 lbs. vs. 129 lbs. This is broken and lost vs. strong and healing. 

I was so proud of myself in that first photo, and I’m still proud of that Samantha. Steps to a better you will slowly become strides. Thanks to her, now I’m taking flight. ❤️ #selflove #selfcare #peloton #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #pelotonweightloss #pelotonmom #momofgirls #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #loveyourself #cottentales
NEW POST: Rebranding Samantha I’m focusing a lo NEW POST: Rebranding Samantha

I’m focusing a lot of effort on self love and self discovery right now. But, just how am I perceived by the people around me? Audience determines your brand - what qualities are you projecting, and do they match how you want to be seen? Link in bio. 

#cottentales #personalbranding #rebranding #blogger #lifestyleblogger #mommyblogger #momofgirls #selflove #selfdiscovery #momblogger #travelblogger
I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for alway I’ll love you forever.
I’ll like you for always.
As long as I’m living,
My baby you’ll be. ❤️

My baby turns 7 today, which feels unbelievable in many ways. Dorothy Laura, you make me so proud to be your mommy. 

#dbunny #cottentales #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #momofgirls #birthday #7yearsold #firstborn
If I have a life half as full as my grandfather’ If I have a life half as full as my grandfather’s, it will be enough. 

We lost 94 years of memories today, and even though we knew this day was coming it doesn’t make it easier. I’m just so glad my girls could know and love their Papaw Great. 

RIP, Upe. 💛
Have courage, and be kind. ✨ #waltdisneyworld # Have courage, and be kind. ✨

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