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Embracing Life

Pregnancy· Rants

27 Jan

Screen Shot 2016-01-25 at 2.06.14 PM

I donated all of my work clothes.

All of them.

My dress pants are now being sold at Goodwill, most of my pencil skirts and suit jackets are gone, and I currently don’t have any button-down shirts in my possession. If I got called for a true job interview tomorrow, I would actually have nothing to wear.

I made the decision to quit my job over two years ago. I was that girl. I called my boss on what was supposed to be my first day back from a 10 week maternity leave, and I quit on the spot.

I’m sure my co-workers loved me that day.

I haven’t worn any of my office attire since that day, yet it all has survived every closet purge in the last 24 months. It all stayed in my closet, even after the infamous clothing swap party. For some reason, I just could not get rid of those clothes.

I had a rough transition from the working world to SAHM life. Staying home was everything I expected… and at the same time, not at all what I imagined. I had postpartum depression, and I didn’t even know it. Not until I came out of its fog, well over a year after I gave birth. Bless my poor husband. I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and doubt and worthlessness, but I didn’t really talk about it. I didn’t confide in my family, or my friends, and I certainly didn’t talk about it on this blog.

Maybe someday, I’ll write about it. But not today.

I held on to those old work clothes for so long because they reminded me of my past life. They proved that I was once something more. They hung in my closet, unworn, and forced me to mourn the person I was before.

I no longer wear the power pencil skirts and pointy heels so that I can take on the advertising world. I don’t put on dress pants and spend my days creating award-winning websites or working on cutting-edge social media campaigns. Every time I would reach for my leggings and a hoodie to tackle a toddler and the grocery store, those stupid dress clothes would seem to be laughing at how far I’ve fallen.

I know it sounds ridiculous. Being a SAHM is nothing to look down on. Billable hours don’t make a fulfilling life. I am no less than I was two years ago – in fact, I’m much more (even if I don’t know the first thing about Snapchat). But, at a time when your life looks nothing like it used to, something as stupid as suit jackets give you the feels.

But, I’m so much better now. The past year has been a turning point for me in my journey as a stay-at-home parent. I have found a routine with my daughter, a community, and even a new job that has nothing to do with my previous career – but that I enjoy so, so much more.

But I’m still never going to wear those old clothes again.

Last week, I went through a massive nesting spurt and took every article of clothing out of my walk-in closet. I sorted everything, put everything on matching hangers, and got rid of any item that didn’t “spark joy.” And when I got to the pile of dress clothes… nothing about them brought me joy. In fact, I didn’t feel anything. To me, as silly as it may seem to everyone else, the lack of attachment to my old clothes is the final transition to my new life as a mother. It’s almost like a previously overweight person finally letting go of their old fat clothes. I’ve completely embraced being a SAHM, and my life, two years after the fact.

Those clothes are gone, but my future isn’t. And I understand that now. Online shopping is always open, should a career opportunity ever present itself at the right time.

I just don’t need those clothes to feel worthwhile, or powerful, anymore.

I do just fine in leggings, thanks.

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Comments

  1. Shannon says

    January 27, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    This is fantastic. I know a very little bit how you feel. Before I got married I worked in D.C as an event planner for a big law firm. I wore the pencil skits and dress pants and heels. Now I work part time for an organization I love but I can pretty much wear sweats everyday if I wanted to but I still have all my old fancy work clothes taking up space in the closet. There’s something about dressing up for an job that makes you feel important (or at least look more important). I imagine when I make the next transition to SAHM (my real dream job) it will actually be time to part with those clothes I’m never going to wear again.

    Reply
  2. Val says

    January 27, 2016 at 1:12 pm

    I didnt have quite as tough of a transition as you probably due to having worked for a year after I had Nae and had shaken out all those hormones but staying at home while AMAZING was also nothing like I had imagined at first. I too, held on to my all black salon attire for a long while and I remember finally getting rid of it and what a difference I felt in acceptance of my new life. Good for you! I think you have found your groove with being a stay at home Mom! It takes a minute, doesnt it?! 😉

    Reply
    • Samantha Cotten says

      January 28, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      Glad to hear I’m not alone! It certainly takes a hot minute to get used to this whole motherhood thing… just in time to have another! 😉

      Reply
  3. Abbey says

    January 27, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    Truly inspiring. You are an amazing writer.

    Reply
    • Samantha Cotten says

      January 28, 2016 at 1:34 pm

      Thank you, Abbey!

      Reply
  4. Valerie Broaddus says

    January 28, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    PURGE! Yes! Everyone needs a good clothes purge! Good for you! IF something were to come up and you needed that work wardrobe again, who’s to even say it would be the style you still wanted. I know, staples are staples, but forreal. Just an excuse to go out and shop more if needed.
    I really think you should get on napchat! Come over to the dark side!!!

    Reply
    • Samantha Cotten says

      January 28, 2016 at 1:34 pm

      I actually do have Snapchat (@samanthacotten), but I have almost never posted on there. I actually had to get a group of college-age co-workers to help me set it up – talk about an “old” moment.

      Reply

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Hey there, I'm Samantha. Recovering SAHM, and aspiring competitive dance mom. I have a passion for travel, am known to say it like it is, and I most certainly do not have it all together. Currently on a journey toward self love and discovery. Join me. 2021 | Bloom

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This is the difference a year makes. ⬇️ 30 l This is the difference a year makes. 

⬇️ 30 lbs. ⬆️ Healthy habits. ⬇️ 4 in. of hair. ⬆️ Strength. ➕ A tattoo & a ton of self love. 

I never knew I could be this person. I’m not super athletic. I have never dieted or counted calories. I never considered myself or my health. I always have watched other women make big physical changes in their lives, but I have never felt like I was capable to do the same.

If you’re reading this, and feel the same way I used to, trust me. 

You can. 💜

(1. January 2020, 2. June 2020 (100 rides), 3. January 2021 (200 rides))

#empoweringwomen #peloton #pelotonweightloss #pelotonbike #loveyourself #fitness #fitnessjourney #cottentales #blogger #momofgirls #momsofinstagram #momblogger #lifestyleblogger #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #selfcare #selflove #selflovejourney #pelotonmom #pelotoncommunity #lovesquad #boocrew #uncomfortable #bloom
NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark Call it cli NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark

Call it cliche, but I have a word to live by this year. If I'm being honest, it actually means a lot to me. I even have some semblance of "resolutions," which are really just mantras I plan to manifest into reality... and so far I think it's working.

What's your word for 2021? What are your goals, mantras, or resolutions for this year? Let me know in the comments. 🌸 Link in bio.

#cottentales #lifestyleblogger #mommyblogger #travelblogger #newyear #2021 #quitlikeawoman #momofgirls #blogger #bloggersofinstagram #momsofinstagram #bloom #bloomwhereyouareplanted #peloton #pelotonbike #resolutions #mantra #healthyhabits #newpost #blogging
L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday R: 01/08/2021, L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday
R: 01/08/2021, or today. 

My husband took that first photo. He was being nice, and trying to celebrate my birthday. I never told him I hated it. I looked heavy, because I was. My skin was terrible - red, broken out, etc. I was anxious, and stressed (ha! The days before 2020!), and it very obviously showed.

Today I’m in the best shape since high school, which blows my mind. I am actively working every day on my skincare, my mental health, and my reactions. Do I mess up? All the time. This week even, I made major mistakes that affect more than just myself. It’s a constant work, but it’s worth doing. 

I see growth. I see a woman who is starting to feel uncomfortable, and that’s a good thing. Whatever goals you have, or path you’re attempting to journey this year, keep going. Don’t let setbacks end your fight. You can do this. 💪🏻

(Also, both daughters saw me make this image this morning. Both thought I was pregnant in the photo on the left. I definitely was not.😳)

#selflove #selfcare #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #peloton #pelotonmoms #cottentales #blogger #lifestyleblogger #travelblogger #momsofinstagram #momofgirls #bloom #keepgoing #pelotonweightloss #loveyourself
Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Las Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Last year, we danced our way to 2020 on the island. Christmas just doesn’t feel the same this year without the ocean. 🌊

#whitesandchristmas #eleuthera #eleutherabahamas #bahamas #christmas #ocean #momofgirls #mommyblog #lifestyleblog #travelblogger #cottentales
Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 #eleuthera #bahamas # Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 

#eleuthera #bahamas #travelblogger #lifestyleblogger #momblogger #cottentales #travel #nye2019
This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 lbs. vs. 129 lbs. This is broken and lost vs. strong and healing. 

I was so proud of myself in that first photo, and I’m still proud of that Samantha. Steps to a better you will slowly become strides. Thanks to her, now I’m taking flight. ❤️ #selflove #selfcare #peloton #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #pelotonweightloss #pelotonmom #momofgirls #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #loveyourself #cottentales
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This is the difference a year makes. ⬇️ 30 l This is the difference a year makes. 

⬇️ 30 lbs. ⬆️ Healthy habits. ⬇️ 4 in. of hair. ⬆️ Strength. ➕ A tattoo & a ton of self love. 

I never knew I could be this person. I’m not super athletic. I have never dieted or counted calories. I never considered myself or my health. I always have watched other women make big physical changes in their lives, but I have never felt like I was capable to do the same.

If you’re reading this, and feel the same way I used to, trust me. 

You can. 💜

(1. January 2020, 2. June 2020 (100 rides), 3. January 2021 (200 rides))

#empoweringwomen #peloton #pelotonweightloss #pelotonbike #loveyourself #fitness #fitnessjourney #cottentales #blogger #momofgirls #momsofinstagram #momblogger #lifestyleblogger #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #selfcare #selflove #selflovejourney #pelotonmom #pelotoncommunity #lovesquad #boocrew #uncomfortable #bloom
NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark Call it cli NEW POST: What I've Found in the Dark

Call it cliche, but I have a word to live by this year. If I'm being honest, it actually means a lot to me. I even have some semblance of "resolutions," which are really just mantras I plan to manifest into reality... and so far I think it's working.

What's your word for 2021? What are your goals, mantras, or resolutions for this year? Let me know in the comments. 🌸 Link in bio.

#cottentales #lifestyleblogger #mommyblogger #travelblogger #newyear #2021 #quitlikeawoman #momofgirls #blogger #bloggersofinstagram #momsofinstagram #bloom #bloomwhereyouareplanted #peloton #pelotonbike #resolutions #mantra #healthyhabits #newpost #blogging
L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday R: 01/08/2021, L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday
R: 01/08/2021, or today. 

My husband took that first photo. He was being nice, and trying to celebrate my birthday. I never told him I hated it. I looked heavy, because I was. My skin was terrible - red, broken out, etc. I was anxious, and stressed (ha! The days before 2020!), and it very obviously showed.

Today I’m in the best shape since high school, which blows my mind. I am actively working every day on my skincare, my mental health, and my reactions. Do I mess up? All the time. This week even, I made major mistakes that affect more than just myself. It’s a constant work, but it’s worth doing. 

I see growth. I see a woman who is starting to feel uncomfortable, and that’s a good thing. Whatever goals you have, or path you’re attempting to journey this year, keep going. Don’t let setbacks end your fight. You can do this. 💪🏻

(Also, both daughters saw me make this image this morning. Both thought I was pregnant in the photo on the left. I definitely was not.😳)

#selflove #selfcare #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #peloton #pelotonmoms #cottentales #blogger #lifestyleblogger #travelblogger #momsofinstagram #momofgirls #bloom #keepgoing #pelotonweightloss #loveyourself
Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Las Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Last year, we danced our way to 2020 on the island. Christmas just doesn’t feel the same this year without the ocean. 🌊

#whitesandchristmas #eleuthera #eleutherabahamas #bahamas #christmas #ocean #momofgirls #mommyblog #lifestyleblog #travelblogger #cottentales
Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 #eleuthera #bahamas # Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 

#eleuthera #bahamas #travelblogger #lifestyleblogger #momblogger #cottentales #travel #nye2019
This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 lbs. vs. 129 lbs. This is broken and lost vs. strong and healing. 

I was so proud of myself in that first photo, and I’m still proud of that Samantha. Steps to a better you will slowly become strides. Thanks to her, now I’m taking flight. ❤️ #selflove #selfcare #peloton #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #pelotonweightloss #pelotonmom #momofgirls #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #loveyourself #cottentales
NEW POST: Rebranding Samantha I’m focusing a lo NEW POST: Rebranding Samantha

I’m focusing a lot of effort on self love and self discovery right now. But, just how am I perceived by the people around me? Audience determines your brand - what qualities are you projecting, and do they match how you want to be seen? Link in bio. 

#cottentales #personalbranding #rebranding #blogger #lifestyleblogger #mommyblogger #momofgirls #selflove #selfdiscovery #momblogger #travelblogger
I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for alway I’ll love you forever.
I’ll like you for always.
As long as I’m living,
My baby you’ll be. ❤️

My baby turns 7 today, which feels unbelievable in many ways. Dorothy Laura, you make me so proud to be your mommy. 

#dbunny #cottentales #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #momofgirls #birthday #7yearsold #firstborn
If I have a life half as full as my grandfather’ If I have a life half as full as my grandfather’s, it will be enough. 

We lost 94 years of memories today, and even though we knew this day was coming it doesn’t make it easier. I’m just so glad my girls could know and love their Papaw Great. 

RIP, Upe. 💛
Have courage, and be kind. ✨ #waltdisneyworld # Have courage, and be kind. ✨

#waltdisneyworld #magickingdom #cinderella #cottentales #cottensisters #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #momofgirls #travelblogger #disneysmmc #fallbreak2020 #spontaneous

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