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Uncomfortable

Rants

28 Apr

I’m a pretty predictable person.

Every wall in my house is gray. My couches are gray. My rug is gray. My countertops are gray. My cat is gray. Oh, I’m looking to buy new bedding – but does it come in gray?

I follow the rules. I walk on the sidewalk. I read the instructions. I do things in order. I overanalyze. Everything.

I own five maxi dresses and two jumpsuits – all of them are blue. I tend to buy what the mannequin is wearing. I like neutrals. Solids. Plain. I rotate through the same two necklaces – one silver, one gold.

I have been with my husband for 14 years. We’ve had the damn cat for 10 years. We live in the same small town where we were born and raised.

I live within my comfort zone. Inside my box.

And frankly, it’s getting boring.

I’m 31 years old, and I’m starting to feel like my story is already written. The End. Like the universe has said, “This is your life, Samantha,” and now there’s no wiggle room for change. Which is ridiculous, I know, but inside my head I just keep hearing, “What’s next? Where do I go from here?”

Am I content with where I am, or am I going to dare to be uncomfortable? I bought a Peloton spin bike this year for my husband, and I swear every time Cody Rigsby looks at me through that screen during a ride and tells me to “embrace the uncomfortable” I want to smack the grin off his face. But he’s right.

To grow, I have to get uncomfortable.

So, I’ve started doing a few things each week that are outside my wheelhouse. Small things. Things that make me a little nervous, anxious, and uncomfortable. I challenge you to do the same.

For example, I started working out. Do I like to sweat? Absolutely not. But I also don’t particularly like the way I look anymore. Especially after two pregnancies. I got my first compliment last week. Someone noticed. And while I have a WAYS to go, those words felt earned.

I went out for drinks the other night with a group of women I didn’t know. I was invited, I wanted to go, but I was hesitant because I wouldn’t know anyone. Guess what? I had fun, and I still don’t know what any of their names were.

My sister has asked me a hundred times to play Dungeons & Dragons. I never do. The whole gamer fantasy world just isn’t my thing. I don’t know anything about it, and it makes me anxious just trying to navigate that realm. A few weeks ago I caved, created a dwarf cleric character named Pompeo, and went on a quest to negotiate with the mermaids. And I had a blast.

I bought tickets to an Indianapolis Colts game in New Orleans the other day, totally on a whim. Who is going to watch my kids? Where are we going to stay? Who cares. I have no plan, and for me that’s something. I have never been to NOLA, but deep down I know that if I really want to get in to travel I have to start exploring the unknown.

It’s not much, but it’s a start. What are you doing to grow?

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Hey there, I'm Samantha. Recovering SAHM, and aspiring competitive dance mom. I have a passion for travel, am known to say it like it is, and I most certainly do not have it all together. Currently on a journey toward self love and discovery. Join me. 2021 | Bloom

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Let's help each other grow. 🌿

#cottentales #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #blogger #mhn #selflove #selfcare #identity #30something #travelblog #momofgirls #blog #bloggersofinstagram
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I never knew I could be this person. I’m not super athletic. I have never dieted or counted calories. I never considered myself or my health. I always have watched other women make big physical changes in their lives, but I have never felt like I was capable to do the same.

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L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday R: 01/08/2021, L: 12/26/2019, aka my 32nd birthday
R: 01/08/2021, or today. 

My husband took that first photo. He was being nice, and trying to celebrate my birthday. I never told him I hated it. I looked heavy, because I was. My skin was terrible - red, broken out, etc. I was anxious, and stressed (ha! The days before 2020!), and it very obviously showed.

Today I’m in the best shape since high school, which blows my mind. I am actively working every day on my skincare, my mental health, and my reactions. Do I mess up? All the time. This week even, I made major mistakes that affect more than just myself. It’s a constant work, but it’s worth doing. 

I see growth. I see a woman who is starting to feel uncomfortable, and that’s a good thing. Whatever goals you have, or path you’re attempting to journey this year, keep going. Don’t let setbacks end your fight. You can do this. 💪🏻

(Also, both daughters saw me make this image this morning. Both thought I was pregnant in the photo on the left. I definitely was not.😳)

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Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Las Two years ago, Santa followed us to Eleuthera. Last year, we danced our way to 2020 on the island. Christmas just doesn’t feel the same this year without the ocean. 🌊

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Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 #eleuthera #bahamas # Mentally, I’m here. 🌊 

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This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 This is 100 @onepeloton rides vs. 178. This is 159 lbs. vs. 129 lbs. This is broken and lost vs. strong and healing. 

I was so proud of myself in that first photo, and I’m still proud of that Samantha. Steps to a better you will slowly become strides. Thanks to her, now I’m taking flight. ❤️ #selflove #selfcare #peloton #weightlossjourney #weightlosstransformation #pelotonweightloss #pelotonmom #momofgirls #lifestyleblogger #momsofinstagram #momblogger #loveyourself #cottentales

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