The “Formidable 14 Months”

 

I know about the “Terrible Two’s.”

I’ve been warned about the “Threenager” phase.

I lived with me and my two sisters as teenagers, so I’m bracing myself for that phase of parenthood a decade in advance.

But no one, not one of you, gave me the insider info about what I’m calling the “Frightening 14 months.” Or maybe the “Fantastic Fit-Throwing 14 months.” Ooo, even better, the “Formidable 14 months.”

Whatever it is, we’re there. Thank you, thesaurus.

Not sure if you’ve arrived at this wonderfully challenging stage? Here’s five characteristics you will notice:

1. Huge, ugly, earth shattering, “the world is ending” meltdowns. They come out of nowhere, and can be about anything from not getting a third packet of “ooo ooo’s” (aka Curious George fruit snacks), to me putting the vaccuum away. Toddlers are bi-polar.

2. Look around. Does it look like a bomb went off in your home? You’re there. I mean, I picked up everything from old bibs, books, bottle parts, a George Foreman grease tray, numerous headbands, a giant box and ~3,000 stuffed animals in our living room today. All of that and more has returned. What’s the point?

3. Opinions. My kid can barely talk, but she can tell me what shirt she wants to wear in the morning (followed by No. 1 when I say, “no, that shirt is a size 9 mo and you’re a gigantic 2T”). I’m in for it.

4. “Alligator Death Roll.” My daughter is literally half of my height… at 14 months old. So when she goes stiff as a board and begins to fight me when I’m trying to change her diaper? It’s like WWE up in here.

5. You’ll never see it. Because what’s awesome? She only acts like a complete and total terror for me. I love my kid more than anything, but I’m scared by her ability to already “put on a show.”

And just when I start feeling like I wasn’t cut out for this motherhood gig, she does something that melts my heart. Something that makes me forgive her for the last two hours of whining.

She’ll stop playing, walk up to me, and give me the sweetest open-mouthed kiss (gotta work on that, girl).

Or she’ll sit next to me on the fireplace hearth, and mimic my movements (down to the iPhone texting) like such a big kid.

Sometimes, she cracks herself up so good that she gets the hiccups… and it’s adorable.

*sigh*…kids. Making my life hard since 2013.