4/4

I set three goals each month. One, to encourage me to just be… me. Another to challenge me to be uncomfortable. And finally, one to help me be strong.

This month, I wanted to write four posts. Surely, I could find the time and motivation to write one post per week. Writing is my therapy, but sometimes it’s uncomfortable for me.

The pain you feel when you write is actually the pain of clarifying your thinking.

David Perell, @david_perell

I thought this goal would be cake.

It’s the last day of February, at 8:30 p.m., and I’m writing post 4/4. I did it. But here I am, sitting in bed, and desperately trying to find words to share. What do I want to say? What things do I want the world to see?

I. don’t. know.

I felt bad for a minute. I’m failing myself and myself alone when I don’t meet a goal I chose for me. No one else cares. But, then I remembered what I wrote last about positive self talk. I’m disappointed that I don’t have another profound and motivating topic to share tonight, but I also deserve a lot of grace. Text is on my screen. I will hit publish.

Did I take five Peloton strength classes this month, like I said I would to “be strong?” No, I did one. But I did take five meditation classes, and strengthening my mental health is just as important as getting arms like Tunde Oyeneyin. I get to choose my perception. Today, I choose the brightness.

I will try again next month.

The words will find me when they’re ready.

It’s okay to fail.