I am so incredibly tired of the mommy debates.
swaddling vs. not swaddling
the “Cry It Out” method vs. rocking your baby to sleep
co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping
Pampers vs. Huggies
SAHM’s vs. working moms
organic vs. plain ‘ol Gerbers
I could go on and on. Every time I get online it’s like the self-proclaimed “crunchy” moms are trying to take on the world via every social media site available.
Does it really matter? I mean, seriously. When my baby turns 25, will she be upset with me because I didn’t lovingly make every meal of carrots and sweet potatoes? Will she stop speaking to me when she finds out that we gave her a pacifier that second night in the hospital? Do any of these things make me a bad mother?
The answer is no.
I haven’t even mentioned the most heated, and perhaps most infuriating, debate. I’ve avoided the topic on this blog simply because I don’t really want to deal with the backlash, but I’ve been inspired. It’s Fight Night here on Cotten Tales, and tonight we’re featuring the heavyweights:
Breastfeeding vs. Formula
dun dun dun…
I am so sick of the breast feeding moms who feel the need to share why “breast is best,” as if we didn’t already know. Come on. We all read the pregnancy books.
I’m so sick of the formula feeding moms who act like they’ve been bullied on the mommy playground. For God’s sake, stand up for yourself and your decision. We’re all big girls here.
The ability and willingness to feed a baby with your breasts does not make one woman superior over another. And really, is it that big of difference? According to the Ohio State University, that answer is no as well.
I have strong opinions and arguments for both sides of this debate. Instead of subjecting you to another rant one way or another, I want to share my story.
Photo by Ardent Owl Photography
I planned to breastfeed. This decision stemmed from peer pressure – my mom breastfed me and my sisters, Courtny was advocating for breastfeeding, my mother-in-law was a lactation consultant at one point. I felt like I didn’t have a choice, even though I personally had reservations.
I researched obsessively throughout my pregnancy. I needed convinced that breastfeeding would be doable for me, and that it was worth it for our baby. I read the forums. I listened to other women gush about how wonderful breastfeeding is. I even bought a book by the La Leche League to read on our babymoon.
That book was the worst purchase of my life. I stopped reading when it said that a child should naturally wean themselves between the ages of 4-7 YEARS. If it wasn’t an electronic book, it would be floating in the Gulf of Mexico by now.
But I kept at it. I was going to breastfeed if it killed me. I didn’t want to let anyone, especially my unborn child, down.
Dorothy was born via c-section after a pretty traumatic labor. As soon as we got into a room we attempted to breastfeed for the first time, just like every book says to do. In a nutshell – it was an epic failure. I didn’t know what I was doing. I couldn’t move, let alone wrangle my raging baby. And my night nurse was TERRIBLE (the one and only bad nurse we had, and of course it was our first night with a new baby). But again, I kept at it.
The next day we met with the lactation consultant for most of the day. She pulled out all the stops, showing me different tricks and ways to hold my baby, but I was still failing. She then told me what every postpartum woman wants to hear (you know, since you’re feeling so beautiful 24 hours after giving birth) – I apparently have flat nipples. Awesome sauce.
We tried nipple shields (I believe these came straight from the devil). We tried the breast pump. We tried everything available. Dorothy just couldn’t latch well to me. The lactation consultant finally suggested that we supplement with formula.
So, Courtny and I would literally fight Dorothy to breastfeed on each side at every feeding and then ultimately gave her Similac. It was exhausting. Dorothy would scream bloody murder until she got the formula, and then she became a completely different baby. I began to feel like I was selfishly starving her because of my own desire to breastfeed.
When we got home from the hospital, it was becoming more and more apparent that breastfeeding was not going well. I was at my wit’s end. When Dorothy was four days old, I decided that I would pump exclusively. At least that way she would be getting my breast milk, but we wouldn’t have the battle every two hours.
Pumping lasted all of one day.
By the end of it, I was throwing the pump parts across my living room. I had a complete and total meltdown. I couldn’t do it. I was stressed to the max, and the last thing I wanted was to whip out my boob in public. It was at that point Courtny and I decided to formula feed Dorothy.
Plus, my milk only came in on one side – pretty sure that wasn’t going to work out.
We’ve never looked back. We made the best decision for our family, plain and simple. Our daughter is happy, healthy and full, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Plus, daddy being able to help out at 3 a.m. is definitely a perk.
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So regardless of how you choose to feed your baby, as long as you’re not filling their bottle with Mountain Dew I would guess you’re probably doing a pretty damn good job. Your baby doesn’t know if you’re doing it wrong. In their eyes, everything you do is perfect.
Keep at it mommas, and please tone down the debates. We’re all in this together.
On to another topic: I have a barely-used breast pump for sale to the highest bidder… 🙂
I LOVE that you put it all out here like that…unappologetic. You are such a great mommy!
Way to take a stand! I have 3 children. My first one was born when I was 17 and I tried breastfeeding and it wasn’t working. With my second child it became easier but I switched between formula and breast milk. By my 3rd child I was able to nurse her fully until she was 18 months old. Every momma and kiddo is different, what works for one will not always work for another. I give props to the mommas that wanted and tried to breastfeed but switched to formula because it was more important for their kiddo to be healthy with the formula rather than a failure to thrive baby because mommy’s breastmilk wasn’t providing the needed nutrition.
I agree with you on this 100%! My son (now 2years old) wouldn’t latch on, so I pumped for 5 months and it wasn’t even enough for him. I felt horrible as a mother. But he was happy and well fed with formula and bmilk. My daughter (now 3months old) breastfeeds awesome, and I’m very happy that it’s working out. But no one tells you that it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. No one says “it’s ok” no matter what choice you make. As mothers we should support each other no matter what and just e happy that we have healthy well fed babies no matter if they are eating formula or breast milk. As long as you feel good about your decision don’t worry about what any other mother says.
Amen to you Samantha!
I totally agree with what you are saying.
Your experience is almost exactly like mine….including the c-section after a long and traumatic labor. In the end, it’s all about making the best decision for your whole family. I was a terrible mommy and wife when I was trying to force the breast feeding. Like you, she was only eating on one side. That wasn’t going to work for long. Thank you for sharing this. I completely agree with you!
This is so well written!!!! I loved reading this!! I was lucky to not have problems with nursing and succeeding with both my children but I have never judged a momma for using formula! I dislike that so many people do. Thanks for sharing 🙂
This (minus the c-section) is my story! I went all 9 months of my pregnancy believing I would be the world’s best breastfeeding mama and bam…flat nipples and almost non-existent supply. That single “failure” caused me to spiral into a horrible battle with PPD. Thank you for your honesty. I wish I would have read this when I was a new mommy
I think there’s something even us non-moms can take away from this article is to be more empathetic towards one another. We all have to face certain circumstances differently; and I think some of us forget this and attack one another with what we may think is the best (only) tactic. I think this rings especially when we are speaking on the web and not to that persons face. As long as everyone’s happy and healthy I see no real reason to fight 🙂
I never thought I would be able to breastfeed because I had a massive breast reduction prior to my pregnancy (10 years before). Once I told the nurse this that asked if I would be breastfeeding she informed me that I still probably could breastfeed and brought him to me. We also had to use a nipple shield. It was awful and he got no milk. I pumped and we got a little milk. I kept pumping for a few days thinking I would just pump. It was annoying and well then I got sick and was put on medication where I couldn’t breastfeed anyways. I say whatever keeps your child alive works.
Thank you Sami!! The exact same thing happened to me (nipple shields and all) except since Liam was a NICU baby, they wanted me to stay in bed and relax and don’t worry about breastfeeding him. At one point I said I was going to go, was maybe at the most 5 minutes late, and the nurse already started him on formula. He decided that me wasn’t going to try and get it from my nipples because it was easier out of the formula. About a couple weeks later, he had to have formula and haven’t looked back as well. He has now tripled his weight (almost 15 lbs) and is growing like a weed (about 24 inches)! I know breastfeeding gives babies what they need, but if you can’t supply it to them, it’s not your fault (even though I thought it was and frustrated me as well).
Oh does this inspire me to write about my experience…I’ll link back if I do. But suffice it to say I breastfed all 3 of my babies until they were good and dehydrated. I fed my babies as I could and in a way that allowed me to love them instead of resent them everytime they were at the breast for 2 hours and still wailing for more.
Now, those babies are 17, 14 and 11 and they still don’t care how I feed them — pizza box or homemade meal, it doesn’t matter as long as they get fed.
With my first, I had to give up nursing after a few months because my supply dropped and I just couldn’t get it back up. I felt guilty for so long afterward. My first taste of mom guilt! Thankfully, I’ve mellowed out quite a bit since then. 🙂
Wow-echoes my story nearly completely! (Although I was the crazy one who pumped full time for a year.)
I truly believe we all need to do what we feel is best for our babies (no matter how old they are!)