I should write.

I can’t get it out of my head. Lately, I hear my inner dialogue saying this mantra over and over again.

Write. I should write.

It’s been one year since I last published anything. Sure, I have a few drafts started that I have long since abandoned. But I haven’t found the motivation… or simply the inspiration… to put thoughts into this space. It’s not that I haven’t had time, because obviously a global pandemic literally shutting down the world gave me plenty of opportunity (and content). It’s the mental roadblock that I come crashing into every time I think about this site.

First comes the, “You have nothing to say,” but that’s 100 percent not true. I do have things to write about. And then quickly thereafter comes the, “Yeah, you can write about all those things… but do you really want the world to know that?”

When did I become afraid of being real in this space? When did I decide that there are parts of my story that I don’t want to share?

When I first started writing, this blog was about my beginnings in motherhood. Pregnancy. Baby products. SAHM stuff. It was lighthearted, and simple. I wrote for the masses. I lived in a large town where no one knew me, and I wasn’t afraid of putting my opinion into the world. Fast forward seven years, and nothing I have felt compelled to write about is easy. I live in a rural community now, where I’m guaranteed to see someone I know every time I leave my home. I have an employer now, who I’m sure cares about what words I attribute to myself online. Can I still write product reviews and travel tips, etc.? Absolutely, and I plan to, but that’s not the language my soul is speaking these days.

Do people want to read about the hard stuff? Will it help them? Will it help me? Do I want the world to know my opinions, challenges, and insecurities?

I don’t know those answers. But I do know that even just letting myself “talk it out” over my keyboard is calming. Medicinal, almost. I’ve missed this. Who knew a subpar post would be the first wrecking ball to bring me back to the blog?

Write. I should write.