Pregnancy is a beast.

With only hours/days/weeks to go before I meet my sweet baby girl, I’ve started reflecting on my life over the last nine-ish months. Maybe it’s the hormones, or the general grumpiness I’m feeling alongside the discomfort, but I’m here to tell you pregnancy is NOTHING like what your friends will tell you about.

Or like what you read in the blogs you find on Pinterest.

Or even like what the crazies say on the What to Expect forums (I’m not kidding. They’re legit crazy.).

Aside from the obvious physical and emotional changes, no one tells you that people are going to react to you in a completely foreign way. For example, I swear the people of Indianapolis have never seen a pregnant chick before. I can’t walk into a room ANYWHERE without every set of eyes going straight to my belly.

With that being said, I decided to compile a list of the top 4 (I’m too tired to think of 5) most annoying/baffling/flat-out-weird things people have said to me in the last nine months. Many of these are asked innocently, and with the best intentions, but are crazy nonetheless.

1
How Are You Feeling?

I am asked this about 500,000 times a day. Obviously, a very innocent question, to which I always smile sweetly and reply something totally politically correct. But in my head, I’m screaming,

“I’M 37 WEEKS PREGNANT, HUGE, SWOLLEN, EXHAUSTED, UNCOMFORTABLE AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I ITCH LIKE CRAZY. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!?”

So next time you see a preggo, try and resist the “How are you feeling?” question. I know you’re just making small talk, or trying to be nice, but just…don’t.

2
The Belly Rub

People are always shocked when I tell them complete strangers have touched my belly.

In fact, I’ve even had this happen in a professional setting. As a part of my job, I give presentations to real estate professionals across the state. TWICE have I had people come up to me during these presentations and touch my belly, commenting on how big I am.

Granted, it’s not frequently, but how many of you have the urge to walk up to someone you don’t know and touch their stomach?

I’m hoping none of you, because we can’t be friends anymore.

3
Do You Have Time…?

I think people expect me to have an exact arrival date and time for Baby C. I am a planner, so this not knowing when D-Day will arrive is actually making me insane. But that doesn’t mean I have any insight into the future. Sure I could try and get your project done, or attend your event, before the baby comes…but I’m not in charge here.

If she comes tomorrow? No. Whatever you’ve asked me to do suddenly becomes not my problem.

If she comes three weeks from now? Maybe. Only if I like you.

 

4
The Blessing

I can’t make this stuff up (and nothing is better than National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation).

While checking out at the grocery store, while 37 weeks pregnant, a nice Russian woman tapped me on the shoulder. She told Courtny and I that he had “a very nice girl” in broken English. I smiled and told her “thank you,” and went about unloading $200 worth of groceries on the conveyor.

So as I’m talking with the cashier, and helping Courtny bag groceries, I notice that this lady is still speaking to me….but in Russian. And then she’s coming closer to me, holding her rosary, and BLESSING me in the checkout line of Meijer.

I was so stunned, I couldn’t even form words at this point.

This went on for seriously 5 minutes. Literally the entire time our groceries were being scanned. Finally, the nice older gentleman who was our cashier simply smiles, and states:

“I think she just prayed for your baby.”

Ya think!?!

Let’s just hope it was a blessing, and not a curse…